The Birth of Elliana Mae

In the few short years of being an Army wife I learned many important lessons, mostly by experiencing our new "lifestyle." The two biggest things I've learned is that being in the military, your plans always change and you truly have a community wherever you go, especially during deployment. Military spouses (milso) have a loyalty to one another that rivals most relationships, especially during deployment. We are in the trenches together, holding things together back home while our soldier serves. Life goes on without them, so we do our best to pick up the slack and fill the void as best we can. 

As a milso, I have always advertised that I serve birthing mothers whose spouses are deployed. My last certification birth (October 2017) was possibly going to be that situation but ended up not being so. But, then in early February my husband and I were video chatting and he mentioned a buddy of his was about to have a baby and his wife was alone, without her family anywhere nearby. Joshua told him about what I do, so his buddy contacted me a little bit later. Then, a few days after that his wife contacted me. It was a Wednesday and we made our initial appointment/hyper-speed prenatal visit for that Saturday since she was already 38 weeks along. I found childcare for my kids from one of my wonderful neighbors. We met on Saturday for about an hour. I crammed my usual 3 prenatal visits into one 90 minute session. This was the fastest I'd ever been hired. I packed my kids' go bags and my doula bag and put them in the hall closet.

February 11, 2018. 0830. My phone buzzed just before my alarm for church went off. "I'm pretty sure my water broke..." It was go time! I dropped off my kids, picked her up, and we headed to the hospital in Alexandria. We got there and they put us in triage. No contractions yet, but still leaking fluids. Once they confirmed her water had indeed broken, they admitted us and set us up in a room. A slow drip of Pitocin was started to get contractions moving along. Mama did great! She labored out of bed and on the birth ball for about 2 hours before she requested the epidural. We watched the Fixer Upper marathon on HGTV for most of the day. The nurse came in every half hour to change her position with the peanut ball. Then, it was time. We called Daddy on video chat and I held the phone so they could see each other. Mama gave 3 good pushes and Elliana Mae was earthside! I cried, like I always do at my births, but this time it was different. The immense pride and privilege I felt being able to help a fellow milso, to be her battle buddy while our husbands were serving together, overwhelmed my heart. 

Each birth is always special to me. I learn more and more with each one I attend. I become a better doula each time. Every one of my doula babies has a special place in my heart. This birth, though, was especially memorable, and I will cherish it always. 

"But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." ~Luke 2:19 

Katarina Patterson, CBD (CBI), SBD

It is with great pleasure and joy that I am proud to announce that I have finished both my trainings with Childbirth International and Stillbirthay! I received my certification and credentials from CBI on October 30, 2017 and December 21, 2017 from Stillbirthday. My trainings were great and I enjoyed learning from both organizations. I am now cross-certified in birth (CBI) and bereavement (SBD). I have also begun my training for my Postpartum Doula certification through a newly founded Christian faith-based doula training program called Heartbeat Doula Network. It was started by the founder of Catholic Doula Program in order to give a non-denominational option for doula training online. I am very excited to finish this program and add HPPD to my credentials as well. Along with my postpartum training, I am taking a training course via Breastfeeding University to earn my M.O.M Breastfeeding Advocacy certification too, in order to better help my clients achieve their breastfeeding goals.

Thank you for all  your love and support as I have finished and continue in my education to better families' birth experiences.

  

Pregnancy Loss in Real Life: The Story of Alex Sam Ford

In 1988 President Ronald Reagan established October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I have invited a guest blogger by the name of Emma Ford to share with you her story in honor of this important month and the life of her baby. Here is Emma's story...

“I don’t want to scare you but what you are describing sounds like a miscarriage.” These were the words our pastor’s wife (who also happens to be a midwife) said to me on the morning of March 11th, 2016.

But before I go into the details of our loss let me give you a little backstory of our amazing gain. My husband and I were newlyweds who were hoping and praying for a baby. We had no reason to expect we’d lose our first child or have any trouble getting pregnant; we were both young, healthy adults. It was a Sunday morning and I was just one day late, and having never been late in my life I knew something was going on. I took a pregnancy test that same day and my husband and I waited for those two little lines to appear- nope, negative. On that Tuesday I had my annual check-up with my doctor and since I was 3 days late I mentioned it and she had me take a test. Again, it was negative. My husband and I just felt like that was wrong. We just had a gut feeling so we asked for a blood test. The blood test would take a few hours for results so my doctor said we’d get a call at the end of the day.

After a long drive home, mostly spent telling one another not to get our hopes up, we got home, cleaned up the house and prepared for dinner. Right as we sat down on the couch my phone rang.  It was the doctor! I didn’t want to answer it because I was afraid she’d tell me the blood test was also negative so I had my husband answer. “Hello?” “Hi, can I speak with Emma?” “Oh, she’s busy.” “Oh... well, I have some news for her...” “Wait! Wait! I’m here!!” “Hi Emma, well... I have some news for you. You are indeed pregnant!”

We were beyond thrilled and immediately began planning how and when we would tell each family member and friend.

The next day we had community group at church. Our pastor’s wife asked us how our week had been, “Anything exciting happen?” she said. We gave each other stern glares as if to inform one another not to share our news. Since we dodged her questions she became concerned and when we went to leave that evening she followed us to the door to inquire if we were okay. She knew we were wanting to get pregnant and based on how we were acting she thought I may have had a miscarriage. When we heard that, we knew we couldn’t leave her hanging and definitely needed to share our big news. So we did! She was excited with us and quickly informed me that if I needed anything I could call or text and she’d be there. Little did I know that just two days later she would be one of my biggest supporters.

 March 11th was a Friday morning.  It began like any other day with my husband going off to work, me watching Netflix and tidying up our little house. But after breakfast, when I went to the bathroom I knew something wasn’t quite right. There was blood. I knew that blood during pregnancy was a bad sign so on my husband’s break I called him. He prayed with me and I felt some peace. I continued straightening up our house but was overcome with abdominal pain and cramping so I sat down to rest. When I stood up I knew I needed to use the bathroom again and this time I was sure that something was VERY wrong. I got dressed and got in the car to go to my husbands work. When I arrived, I was a mess. I was sobbing and crying, telling him I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t have anyone to talk to and Google was scaring me. We prayed again and he calmed me down, assuring me that I’d be okay, that our baby would be okay. I left to go home. I desperately wanted to ask my mom but at this point she didn’t know I was pregnant yet and since I assumed I was overreacting I didn’t want this to be how she found out. I decided to call my pastor’s wife to ask her what she thought.  After describing my situation to her, she said “I don’t want to scare you but what you are describing sounds like a miscarriage.” Her words echoed in my mind as I finally got the courage to respond. Choking through tears I asked, “What do I do?” She explained what was likely going to happen and that I should go to my regular doctor for some more blood draws. She cried with me, prayed with me, and let me cry. She was there for me when no one else was and for that I am incredibly grateful.

I got home and called my doctor. We scheduled a blood draw for as soon as my husband was off of work. He and I took the drive down together, both crying. We remembered this same drive, taken just days before as we had daydreamed about our baby. It all appeared to be over. So. Fast.

When we got to the doctors office they called me back and seeing my blood was being drawn for an HCG count they asked happy questions like “How far along?” and  “Is this your first?” not knowing the true circumstances. It was late in the day but considering our situation they rushed to have my results back by the end of the day. We went for a drive up in some nearby hills and listened to the radio. Sometimes we sat in silence, sometimes we prayed, and sometimes we cried. We got the call on our way back down the mountain, right as we drove back into town. I don’t even remember what my doctor said. It didn’t matter; we really already knew. But having it confirmed was like a deep stab to the chest. We pulled into the back of a parking lot, held each other tight, and cried. Then my husband said “Every baby deserves a name.” So we named our baby Alex Sam; Alexander Samson if it had been a boy, or Alexandria Samantha if it had been a girl.

We had planned to go that weekend to tell our families about our pregnancy but instead we drove to their houses to tell them we’d lost our baby. The days that followed were filled with sadness and tears at the most random of things. I had bought a little wall decal that read, “I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck” intended for Alex’s Nursery, and for days I cried myself to sleep holding onto it. It still sits in the closet in our rainbow baby’s nursery. I haven’t quite decided what to do with it.

To be honest- in those first few days and weeks I truly thought I would never live another happy day in my life. I never dreamed of loving another baby as much as I loved Alex. But God brings such great healing when we ask of Him; when we allow Him to work in our lives and heal us. We got pregnant with our rainbow baby girl right after we lost Alex. My pregnancy was speckled with fear and I often would forget about being pregnant simply because I disconnected myself from it. I didn’t want to lose my baby again.

Alex would have been 1 next month. Our Rainbow baby, Gwendolyn , will be 1 in two months. It’s a crazy thing to have Gwendolyn’s age so close to what Alex’s would have been. If we didn’t lose Alex, we wouldn’t have Gwendolyn. Yet, we still lost Alex. My mind still cannot fully grasp the concept to be truly honest. It’s been over a year and I can say with full confidence God has healed every piece of my broken heart. He has blessed us with the most beautiful little girl and I am so grateful for her. I often see moms post about how they think about the babies they lost every day. I’m going to be incredibly vulnerable with you for a moment and say that I don’t. I don’t think of Alex daily. Alex played a huge role in our lives, yes. Alex is not forgotten but Alex isn’t here, and dwelling on the sadness of losing him/her would steal so much of the joy that comes from the daughter God has given me to raise. Often Alex will randomly come to mind but when that happens, I am no longer sad; I am no longer hurt, because God brings healing to His children. I am joyful knowing that my baby is with his/her savior. I am happy knowing that the first face he/she saw was Jesus (and perhaps a bit jealous). For the three short days we knew we had Alex we savored and enjoyed and LOVED every second of it. For 3 days we lived in total bliss. So instead of dwelling on the pain, I will dwell on those days of joy, the healing and the blessing of a Rainbow that came after the storm.

If you’re reading this and you are not at this point of healing, I want you to know that is okay. It takes time. For some it will take longer than others. I want to encourage you that healing does come. Everyone’s story is different; everyone’s perspective is different, but this is my story. This is my road to healing; this is where God has brought me. I am not afraid to share my story. I am not afraid to use my baby’s name in conversation, and I am not afraid to hear yours either. Your story, no matter where you’re coming from... matters. You matter, your feelings matter, your husband matters, his feelings matter, and your baby matters; no matter how big or small.

The Birth of Aspen Grey

I had just started by doula training the week before when a friend mentioned that a mutual friend's daughter was looking for a doula. A little while later I was contacted and our first official meeting was set. I came straight from Bible study to meet her at Chipotle for lunch in a casual "get to know you" session. After 2 hours in our meet and greet we scheduled our next prenatal together. My first official client! I was so excited!

Over the next couple months we met a few more times for prenatal appointments at my home. We talked about different types of support during labor, created a birth map, watched a few videos on how to give birth, and ended with postnatal care tips and instructions. We texted and messaged back and forth nearly every week. She would give me updates on her progress after her visits with her OB and I would send her articles and research on anything and everything she had questions about.

On her due date she was scheduled to be induced. She and the adoptive mother went to hospital in the early evening and I joined them after dinner. She received her first round of Cervidil, and then we waited. We waited and slept through the night. Not a whole lot happened. Her mom came to the hospital in the morning once the Cervidil was removed. We walked, bounced on the birth ball, took a shower but, to no avail. She was at 1 cm dilated and 25% effaced after 18 hours. The induction had failed and her body did not want to respond. Instead of waiting for the doctor or trying another drug she decided to just go home and hope she went into labor naturally over the holiday weekend. This, however, did not happen.

One week later she, her mom, and I all went back to the hospital in the late afternoon and started the whole thing over again. She was given 3 rounds of Cytotec followed by one round of Cervidil. Unbeknownst to us the Cervidil had fallen out at hour 6 and she had been laboring on her own for the last 5.5 on her own. Labor progressed quickly after that. Hydrotherapy, walking, squatting, counter-pressure, and the famous double-hip squeeze got her through nearly all of her labor. Then she hit a wall. None of us were expecting it; an hour and a half earlier the nurse had checked and she was 80% effaced but only 3 cm dilated. She squeezed her mom's hand tighter with every contraction asking me to keep pressure on her hips and sacrum throughout.  She asked me to go get the nurse so she could have some drugs to help with the pain. I politely inclined and informed the nurse of her wishes.  The nurse came in and checked her after giving the Fentanyl. This time she was 100% effaced! Yes, progress! The drug was supposed to work for a few hours...it worked for about 30 minutes. Her moans and deep breathing very quickly became yells of pain. Her tone changed. Mama had decided she had had all she could take and wanted the epidural. The nurse called in the team to do so. I told her it would probably be a good idea to get check because she sounded and was acting like she was already in transition. She agreed; the nurse checked. 9 cm dilated and 100% effaced, baby at -1 station! Mama told me to go wake up the adoptive mom in her room while she was getting the epidural. I sped down the hallways to wake her up. I knocked on the door and opened it. "She's in transition, Baby's coming!" We went back to the room together and waited outside while the anesthesiologist gave her an intrathecal injection instead for the sake of time.

Mama was a bit calmer now, not in quite so much pain. She was checked again. Now she was 10 cm, 100% effaced, baby fully engaged, and the water bag bulging through the cervix. She stayed there for over an hour, relaxing because of her exhaustion. Then she decided she didn't want to wait anymore. The nurse came in and instructed her on how to push. After 3 "practice" pushes, her water exploded everywhere. The birth team got in place, each person doing their role to help Mama and Baby get through. 20 minutes of pushing and he was finally here! At 04:02 am on July 7, 2017 Aspen Grey was born, 7 lbs. 1 oz, 19 inches long.  They placed him on his birth mother's chest while his adoptive mama cut the umbilical cord. We all cried. There was so much oxytocin in the room, I even started to lactate. The golden hour had begun and it was beautiful. He nursed right away and did a pretty good job for the first time. He was beautiful and perfect. There was so much love in that room it was overwhelming. In that moment I knew that this is what I was made to do. It was my joy, honor, and privilege to serve this family as their birth and adoption doula.

Aspen Grey is this little boy's name. His birth mama chose his middle name. She told me she did so because, "life isn't always black or white, sometimes it's grey." How true that is. God does not cause pain without allowing something new to be born. He brings beauty from our ashes, our grey ashes.

My Homebirth Story

Today in Israel women are sharing their homebirth stories in order to spread awareness of this practice as a real and viable option for low-risk pregnancies. So, I've decided to share mine as well.

February 13,2014 was one of the happiest days of my life. After trying to get pregnant for 18 months, a few rounds of medication, visits to the Fertility Clinic, tests and blood draws, a lot of negative home tests, and an official prognosis of a very high improbability of not being able to have children without medical intervention, God miraculously granted our petition and gave us our baby boy! I took 4 tests that day, all positive! I told Joshua later that day and he was truly overjoyed! And so our journey began of "parenthood" by starting with where and how I would give birth.

We had done a lot of research before we ever found out I was pregnant. I knew I wanted a completely natural birth. This was very important to me, not knowing if I would ever have the opportunity to experience this again, I wanted to have the most real and raw experience I could. Being a low-risk pregnancy, I new my best option for having a successful vaginal, natural birth was out of the hospital. We toured a hospital in the area that is very naturally minded and has a cesarean rate of 17%, which was the lowest in the state, and well below the rate of the other 2 hospitals in our area. I felt ok if I had to give birth there but, Joshua wanted to check out the free-standing birth center in our area before we made a decision.

I toured the birth center and took my mom with me. I loved it and decided that was where we would have our baby. I was with them until 14 weeks along and decided to switch to a homebirth midwife due to a change in insurance. Our decision for homebirth was a bit "controversial" among friends and family, mostly because they had no experience with homebirth and worried about safety. However, as time went on they became more comfortable with the idea. Our midwife was a wonderful lady. She has been serving the area for over 30 years and delivered many many babies. With our house only being 5 minutes from the hospital, I actually felt a lot better about giving birth in our home than I did at the birth center.

I stayed low-risk throughout my pregnancy. I had to take some supplements to help with low iron levels and at 35 weeks by blood pressure began to rise to the "pre-hypertension rage". My midwife was not concerned about me needing to switch to an OB as she closely monitored me and put me on modified bedrest for a weekend. Although my BP was higher than normal, it was still at a level that she felt she was still able to provide me with safe care.

Then at 38 weeks 4 days I went into labor...while she was at a retreat 3 hours away! My doulas had come to check on me a few days prior and the back-up midwife was actually supposed to come check on me the day I gave birth! My labor began around 11:45 that night with "abnormally strong Braxton Hicks". Then after a nice Criminal Minds marathon with my husband we went to bed around 12:30. He went to sleep but I couldn't. I was in denial that I was in labor, as I thought it was too early! I googled "false labor" for a few hours only to find that I was actually in labor. Joshua woke suddenly saying he had a dream that I was in labor...then I informed him I was actually in labor!

I labored through the early morning, doing breathing exercises and trying to watch some Netflix to distract myself with humor. Joshua called my midwife around 7 am and she confirmed that I was in fact in labor. She called my doulas and her back up midwife. My birth team arrived around 10 am. I labored in the birth pool for most of the rest of the time. Once I hit transition around 4:30 they made me get out of the pool and sit on the toilet to help him engage. My water broke and I got back in the tub about 10 minutes later. I began to push. 20 minutes and 5 pushes later he was out! 5 lbs. 2 oz. 19 inches long. My beautiful Noah James Samuel was finally here! He was the smallest baby my midwife had ever caught. He was small but beautiful and perfect. My husband spent the next hour holding and bonding with our new son while I birthed the placenta.

Upon examining my placenta, the midwife found a small tear in it. She concluded that this probably caused by blood pressure to rise and for Noah to stop growing, since he was about the size he was around 36 weeks gestation.

We had a wonderful first day at home. My mom came over and took Noah's newborn pictures and brought us lunch. Then the midwife came to do the 24 hour check. She noticed Noah was breathing a bit faster than normal and that his oxygen level in his blood was a lot lower than it should be at between 85-87%. He had dropped down to 4 lbs. 11 oz., which she said was normal for newborns but between everything she found, we were going to have to take him to the hospital. We were devistated but took our new baby into the ER and were admitted into the NICU by midnight. They admitted him for rapid respiration but also found that he had low blood sugars and possible sepsis. He was on a CPAP machine for 36 hours. Our nurses were amazing as well as a few of his doctors, especially the one that admitted us. We were in the NICU for 13 days, which seemed like forever, but in reality we were extremely blessed to have only been in there for that long.

The doctor that finally released us was actually the doctor that admitted us. He sent us home with oxygen for Noah, saying that he guessed he'd probably need it for anywhere between 1-3 more months.

Once we got home I began pumping milk for him instead of trying to nurse him to keep his blood sugars up so he'd gain weight. It worked. When we left the hospital Noah was 5 lbs. 9 oz. and a few days later at his pediatrician's office he was over 6 lbs.! We worked closely with his pediatrician and had him off of the oxygen completely by 10 days after we left the NICU! Now, Noah is a happy, strong, and healthy 2 1/2 year old big brother. <3

There were times when I doubted my decision for homebirth. I kept going over everything we did that led to Noah being in the NICU. Should I have just transferred when my BP rose? SHould we have just gone to the hospital instead of calling the back-up midwife? Should I have birthed on the bed instead of the water? At Noah's 9 week check with my original midwife, I talked with her about this and she reassured me that his condition was not due to him being born at home. The only difference between my homebirth and me going to the hospital would have been being separated from my baby while he was in the NICU and I in recovery waiting to be discharged, so in reality, having him at home benefited the situation.There were some days when I still questioned our decision but, when I remembered the words of my midwife, I remembered that it was all for our benefit as a family. The LORD knew what was best and he guided us through everything.  Now, I believe, having gone through this experience only makes me a better doula.

Sometimes Mother's Day Hurts

Long before I had any interest in childbirth or becoming a doula I had an experience that changed my life forever. On May 6, 2011 I was getting ready to go to work. I heard a commotion outside and figured it was my neighbor fighting with his wife again but, this time it wasn't. I opened the door to find a frantic young woman about the same age as me crying hysterically into a phone and a young man standing in their open door way crying. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that his baby niece wasn't waking up. My heart sank and I closed my door. Time seemed to stand still and in the next second it was like the Holy Spirit snapped me out of it and whispered, "You know what to do." I opened my door and asked if I could see the baby. They sent me inside where I saw a young father sitting on a chair rocking his baby girl in his arms with tears streaming how his cheeks pleading with her to wake up. My training kicked into gear. I introduced myself, told him I was certified in infant first aid and CPR and asked if I could help. He put her in my arms and said "Yes, please! Please save her!" I looked at her. She was blue, cold, and stiff. I laid her down and began CPR for the sake of the parents until the paramedics got there a few minutes later, all the while knowing she was already gone. After a few hours the paramedics declared she was DOA.

The funeral was the next week. I found the parents, my neighbors, on Facebook and they invited me to attend so, I did. It was a beautiful service. Her parents saw me sitting in the audience on their way out. The father stopped and hugged me. They thanked me for trying to save her. Jasmyn Rianne was only 6 weeks old when she passed away in her sleep from SIDS. May 6, 2011 was the Friday before Mother's Day.

With the holiday coming around once again this Sunday, I am reminded of Jasmyn and my own journey to motherhood. Mine is one of infertility and the miraculous conceptions of my boys. For others, it is a day that reminds them of their children who are no longer with us. Some went as infants, others as children, and some even before they could be held in their mother's arms. Being a doula is richly rewarding but, sometimes unforeseen circumstances arise and death takes place. It takes a special kind of strength to be the parent of a child in heaven.

I have had many people in my life, neighbors,coworkers, friends, cousins, grandmothers, and even my mother-in-law, who have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. It was that thought that kept me going as I laid in the ER hospital bed in early March of 2016, not knowing if my baby was still alive or not. Thankfully, my story has not ended as Elias Judah Isaac is now 6 months old. But, there are others who are not as fortunate.

Therefore, I have decided to add to my knowledge and birth skill set by becoming a Birth and Bereavement Doula through Stillbirthday University (stillbirthday.com) once I complete my Birth Doula training course through Childbirth International. This is not an easy skill or profession to be in but, God does not call us to an easy life. In fact, He tells us that "in this world you will have trouble BUT, take heart, for I have overcome the world." James tells us to, "consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance." When, not if, when. Our job as Christians is to go to the hurting, the poor, the suffering, the weak in spirit and be Jesus to them.

If you feel that this is something you would like to do as well you can visit stillbirthday.com for more information. If you have experienced a loss, this website as well as davidshopeministry.org are wonderful resources available to you and your family. (You can find them on Facebook as well.)

Welcome!

Hello and welcome! My name is Katarina. I'm a student doula (CBI) working toward my certification. I am also an Army wife and mama of 2 little boys. My first was a waterbirth at home with a midwife and doula. My second was in a hospital with an OB/GYN and ended up with an emergency cesarean section. My own birth experiences have been vastly different but very fulfilling in different ways. The one thing that helped me greatly were my doulas! For my homebirth, my doula was actually my age. No children of her own but, very knowledgeable as she had had years of experience attending births. With my second baby I chose not to hire one because of how expensive it was in the area we were stationed. I realized this was a huge mistake about half-way through my labor. But, the Lord knew exactly what I needed and sent me a labor nurse that was also a certified doula! She, too, was amazing and helped me so much through my labor and c-section. Once baby #2 came I knew this was something I wanted to do too. 

The name Rapha Shalom, is taken from 2 of my favorite Hebrew names of God, Jehovah-Rapha and Jehovah-Shalom. Rapha Shalom means "healing peace", which is what I hope to bring to people's birth experience. It took me awhile to come up with the name, as I wanted something that would clearly paint the picture of my vision and mission statement. My desire is to offer women a Christ-centered birthing experience, providing them with the love and care of Jesus!

You can find my page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/doulakatarina