The Birth of Aspen Grey

I had just started by doula training the week before when a friend mentioned that a mutual friend's daughter was looking for a doula. A little while later I was contacted and our first official meeting was set. I came straight from Bible study to meet her at Chipotle for lunch in a casual "get to know you" session. After 2 hours in our meet and greet we scheduled our next prenatal together. My first official client! I was so excited!

Over the next couple months we met a few more times for prenatal appointments at my home. We talked about different types of support during labor, created a birth map, watched a few videos on how to give birth, and ended with postnatal care tips and instructions. We texted and messaged back and forth nearly every week. She would give me updates on her progress after her visits with her OB and I would send her articles and research on anything and everything she had questions about.

On her due date she was scheduled to be induced. She and the adoptive mother went to hospital in the early evening and I joined them after dinner. She received her first round of Cervidil, and then we waited. We waited and slept through the night. Not a whole lot happened. Her mom came to the hospital in the morning once the Cervidil was removed. We walked, bounced on the birth ball, took a shower but, to no avail. She was at 1 cm dilated and 25% effaced after 18 hours. The induction had failed and her body did not want to respond. Instead of waiting for the doctor or trying another drug she decided to just go home and hope she went into labor naturally over the holiday weekend. This, however, did not happen.

One week later she, her mom, and I all went back to the hospital in the late afternoon and started the whole thing over again. She was given 3 rounds of Cytotec followed by one round of Cervidil. Unbeknownst to us the Cervidil had fallen out at hour 6 and she had been laboring on her own for the last 5.5 on her own. Labor progressed quickly after that. Hydrotherapy, walking, squatting, counter-pressure, and the famous double-hip squeeze got her through nearly all of her labor. Then she hit a wall. None of us were expecting it; an hour and a half earlier the nurse had checked and she was 80% effaced but only 3 cm dilated. She squeezed her mom's hand tighter with every contraction asking me to keep pressure on her hips and sacrum throughout.  She asked me to go get the nurse so she could have some drugs to help with the pain. I politely inclined and informed the nurse of her wishes.  The nurse came in and checked her after giving the Fentanyl. This time she was 100% effaced! Yes, progress! The drug was supposed to work for a few hours...it worked for about 30 minutes. Her moans and deep breathing very quickly became yells of pain. Her tone changed. Mama had decided she had had all she could take and wanted the epidural. The nurse called in the team to do so. I told her it would probably be a good idea to get check because she sounded and was acting like she was already in transition. She agreed; the nurse checked. 9 cm dilated and 100% effaced, baby at -1 station! Mama told me to go wake up the adoptive mom in her room while she was getting the epidural. I sped down the hallways to wake her up. I knocked on the door and opened it. "She's in transition, Baby's coming!" We went back to the room together and waited outside while the anesthesiologist gave her an intrathecal injection instead for the sake of time.

Mama was a bit calmer now, not in quite so much pain. She was checked again. Now she was 10 cm, 100% effaced, baby fully engaged, and the water bag bulging through the cervix. She stayed there for over an hour, relaxing because of her exhaustion. Then she decided she didn't want to wait anymore. The nurse came in and instructed her on how to push. After 3 "practice" pushes, her water exploded everywhere. The birth team got in place, each person doing their role to help Mama and Baby get through. 20 minutes of pushing and he was finally here! At 04:02 am on July 7, 2017 Aspen Grey was born, 7 lbs. 1 oz, 19 inches long.  They placed him on his birth mother's chest while his adoptive mama cut the umbilical cord. We all cried. There was so much oxytocin in the room, I even started to lactate. The golden hour had begun and it was beautiful. He nursed right away and did a pretty good job for the first time. He was beautiful and perfect. There was so much love in that room it was overwhelming. In that moment I knew that this is what I was made to do. It was my joy, honor, and privilege to serve this family as their birth and adoption doula.

Aspen Grey is this little boy's name. His birth mama chose his middle name. She told me she did so because, "life isn't always black or white, sometimes it's grey." How true that is. God does not cause pain without allowing something new to be born. He brings beauty from our ashes, our grey ashes.

My Homebirth Story

Today in Israel women are sharing their homebirth stories in order to spread awareness of this practice as a real and viable option for low-risk pregnancies. So, I've decided to share mine as well.

February 13,2014 was one of the happiest days of my life. After trying to get pregnant for 18 months, a few rounds of medication, visits to the Fertility Clinic, tests and blood draws, a lot of negative home tests, and an official prognosis of a very high improbability of not being able to have children without medical intervention, God miraculously granted our petition and gave us our baby boy! I took 4 tests that day, all positive! I told Joshua later that day and he was truly overjoyed! And so our journey began of "parenthood" by starting with where and how I would give birth.

We had done a lot of research before we ever found out I was pregnant. I knew I wanted a completely natural birth. This was very important to me, not knowing if I would ever have the opportunity to experience this again, I wanted to have the most real and raw experience I could. Being a low-risk pregnancy, I new my best option for having a successful vaginal, natural birth was out of the hospital. We toured a hospital in the area that is very naturally minded and has a cesarean rate of 17%, which was the lowest in the state, and well below the rate of the other 2 hospitals in our area. I felt ok if I had to give birth there but, Joshua wanted to check out the free-standing birth center in our area before we made a decision.

I toured the birth center and took my mom with me. I loved it and decided that was where we would have our baby. I was with them until 14 weeks along and decided to switch to a homebirth midwife due to a change in insurance. Our decision for homebirth was a bit "controversial" among friends and family, mostly because they had no experience with homebirth and worried about safety. However, as time went on they became more comfortable with the idea. Our midwife was a wonderful lady. She has been serving the area for over 30 years and delivered many many babies. With our house only being 5 minutes from the hospital, I actually felt a lot better about giving birth in our home than I did at the birth center.

I stayed low-risk throughout my pregnancy. I had to take some supplements to help with low iron levels and at 35 weeks by blood pressure began to rise to the "pre-hypertension rage". My midwife was not concerned about me needing to switch to an OB as she closely monitored me and put me on modified bedrest for a weekend. Although my BP was higher than normal, it was still at a level that she felt she was still able to provide me with safe care.

Then at 38 weeks 4 days I went into labor...while she was at a retreat 3 hours away! My doulas had come to check on me a few days prior and the back-up midwife was actually supposed to come check on me the day I gave birth! My labor began around 11:45 that night with "abnormally strong Braxton Hicks". Then after a nice Criminal Minds marathon with my husband we went to bed around 12:30. He went to sleep but I couldn't. I was in denial that I was in labor, as I thought it was too early! I googled "false labor" for a few hours only to find that I was actually in labor. Joshua woke suddenly saying he had a dream that I was in labor...then I informed him I was actually in labor!

I labored through the early morning, doing breathing exercises and trying to watch some Netflix to distract myself with humor. Joshua called my midwife around 7 am and she confirmed that I was in fact in labor. She called my doulas and her back up midwife. My birth team arrived around 10 am. I labored in the birth pool for most of the rest of the time. Once I hit transition around 4:30 they made me get out of the pool and sit on the toilet to help him engage. My water broke and I got back in the tub about 10 minutes later. I began to push. 20 minutes and 5 pushes later he was out! 5 lbs. 2 oz. 19 inches long. My beautiful Noah James Samuel was finally here! He was the smallest baby my midwife had ever caught. He was small but beautiful and perfect. My husband spent the next hour holding and bonding with our new son while I birthed the placenta.

Upon examining my placenta, the midwife found a small tear in it. She concluded that this probably caused by blood pressure to rise and for Noah to stop growing, since he was about the size he was around 36 weeks gestation.

We had a wonderful first day at home. My mom came over and took Noah's newborn pictures and brought us lunch. Then the midwife came to do the 24 hour check. She noticed Noah was breathing a bit faster than normal and that his oxygen level in his blood was a lot lower than it should be at between 85-87%. He had dropped down to 4 lbs. 11 oz., which she said was normal for newborns but between everything she found, we were going to have to take him to the hospital. We were devistated but took our new baby into the ER and were admitted into the NICU by midnight. They admitted him for rapid respiration but also found that he had low blood sugars and possible sepsis. He was on a CPAP machine for 36 hours. Our nurses were amazing as well as a few of his doctors, especially the one that admitted us. We were in the NICU for 13 days, which seemed like forever, but in reality we were extremely blessed to have only been in there for that long.

The doctor that finally released us was actually the doctor that admitted us. He sent us home with oxygen for Noah, saying that he guessed he'd probably need it for anywhere between 1-3 more months.

Once we got home I began pumping milk for him instead of trying to nurse him to keep his blood sugars up so he'd gain weight. It worked. When we left the hospital Noah was 5 lbs. 9 oz. and a few days later at his pediatrician's office he was over 6 lbs.! We worked closely with his pediatrician and had him off of the oxygen completely by 10 days after we left the NICU! Now, Noah is a happy, strong, and healthy 2 1/2 year old big brother. <3

There were times when I doubted my decision for homebirth. I kept going over everything we did that led to Noah being in the NICU. Should I have just transferred when my BP rose? SHould we have just gone to the hospital instead of calling the back-up midwife? Should I have birthed on the bed instead of the water? At Noah's 9 week check with my original midwife, I talked with her about this and she reassured me that his condition was not due to him being born at home. The only difference between my homebirth and me going to the hospital would have been being separated from my baby while he was in the NICU and I in recovery waiting to be discharged, so in reality, having him at home benefited the situation.There were some days when I still questioned our decision but, when I remembered the words of my midwife, I remembered that it was all for our benefit as a family. The LORD knew what was best and he guided us through everything.  Now, I believe, having gone through this experience only makes me a better doula.

Sometimes Mother's Day Hurts

Long before I had any interest in childbirth or becoming a doula I had an experience that changed my life forever. On May 6, 2011 I was getting ready to go to work. I heard a commotion outside and figured it was my neighbor fighting with his wife again but, this time it wasn't. I opened the door to find a frantic young woman about the same age as me crying hysterically into a phone and a young man standing in their open door way crying. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that his baby niece wasn't waking up. My heart sank and I closed my door. Time seemed to stand still and in the next second it was like the Holy Spirit snapped me out of it and whispered, "You know what to do." I opened my door and asked if I could see the baby. They sent me inside where I saw a young father sitting on a chair rocking his baby girl in his arms with tears streaming how his cheeks pleading with her to wake up. My training kicked into gear. I introduced myself, told him I was certified in infant first aid and CPR and asked if I could help. He put her in my arms and said "Yes, please! Please save her!" I looked at her. She was blue, cold, and stiff. I laid her down and began CPR for the sake of the parents until the paramedics got there a few minutes later, all the while knowing she was already gone. After a few hours the paramedics declared she was DOA.

The funeral was the next week. I found the parents, my neighbors, on Facebook and they invited me to attend so, I did. It was a beautiful service. Her parents saw me sitting in the audience on their way out. The father stopped and hugged me. They thanked me for trying to save her. Jasmyn Rianne was only 6 weeks old when she passed away in her sleep from SIDS. May 6, 2011 was the Friday before Mother's Day.

With the holiday coming around once again this Sunday, I am reminded of Jasmyn and my own journey to motherhood. Mine is one of infertility and the miraculous conceptions of my boys. For others, it is a day that reminds them of their children who are no longer with us. Some went as infants, others as children, and some even before they could be held in their mother's arms. Being a doula is richly rewarding but, sometimes unforeseen circumstances arise and death takes place. It takes a special kind of strength to be the parent of a child in heaven.

I have had many people in my life, neighbors,coworkers, friends, cousins, grandmothers, and even my mother-in-law, who have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss. It was that thought that kept me going as I laid in the ER hospital bed in early March of 2016, not knowing if my baby was still alive or not. Thankfully, my story has not ended as Elias Judah Isaac is now 6 months old. But, there are others who are not as fortunate.

Therefore, I have decided to add to my knowledge and birth skill set by becoming a Birth and Bereavement Doula through Stillbirthday University (stillbirthday.com) once I complete my Birth Doula training course through Childbirth International. This is not an easy skill or profession to be in but, God does not call us to an easy life. In fact, He tells us that "in this world you will have trouble BUT, take heart, for I have overcome the world." James tells us to, "consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance." When, not if, when. Our job as Christians is to go to the hurting, the poor, the suffering, the weak in spirit and be Jesus to them.

If you feel that this is something you would like to do as well you can visit stillbirthday.com for more information. If you have experienced a loss, this website as well as davidshopeministry.org are wonderful resources available to you and your family. (You can find them on Facebook as well.)

Welcome!

Hello and welcome! My name is Katarina. I'm a student doula (CBI) working toward my certification. I am also an Army wife and mama of 2 little boys. My first was a waterbirth at home with a midwife and doula. My second was in a hospital with an OB/GYN and ended up with an emergency cesarean section. My own birth experiences have been vastly different but very fulfilling in different ways. The one thing that helped me greatly were my doulas! For my homebirth, my doula was actually my age. No children of her own but, very knowledgeable as she had had years of experience attending births. With my second baby I chose not to hire one because of how expensive it was in the area we were stationed. I realized this was a huge mistake about half-way through my labor. But, the Lord knew exactly what I needed and sent me a labor nurse that was also a certified doula! She, too, was amazing and helped me so much through my labor and c-section. Once baby #2 came I knew this was something I wanted to do too. 

The name Rapha Shalom, is taken from 2 of my favorite Hebrew names of God, Jehovah-Rapha and Jehovah-Shalom. Rapha Shalom means "healing peace", which is what I hope to bring to people's birth experience. It took me awhile to come up with the name, as I wanted something that would clearly paint the picture of my vision and mission statement. My desire is to offer women a Christ-centered birthing experience, providing them with the love and care of Jesus!

You can find my page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/doulakatarina